Loud sad thoughts pt.1

Excerpts from my 2016 therapy book. 17 year old me said some pretty wise words that to this day, two years later, still hit right in the heart.

“I wanted to love myself but in the process, I slowly lost the ones who loved me.” 160528

“It’s because I’m always lending them an ear, I forgot I had a mouth too. There are times when I need to pour out what’s in my heart. Sadly there’s no cup to pour into.” 160616

“The good thing about some illnesses being unseen, is that you can exaggerate the pain and with a little good acting, they’ll believe you.”

“I’ve worn too many masks on I forgot which one was my real face.” 160630, when I faked my migraine to sit in the infirmary because I was too emotionally exhausted.

“I loved how he looked at me when I wasn’t looking, and turned away when I looked atย  him.” 160711

“She looked like… she heard my scream.” 160728, the way Zuhrah looked at me when I told her I was reading my eulogy.

“They are my dreams and I will protect them. I will fight for this.” 160817

“I feel like there’s something in me that’s so deep, I know people wouldn’t reach for it.” 160822

“At some point last night I was so agitated by my own existence. I didn’t even want to die. I wanted something more severe. My wishes last night were monstrous. How much did I condemn that it gave birth to something so frightening?” 160824

“This feeling is odd. I don’t want to go here and I don’t want to go there. I want to evaporate into the void.” 160920



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